Are you really listening?

On my run this morning I was thinking about my opening introductions to the workshop I'm running today .

One of the stories I thought of telling was the time when I was sitting in a workshop just over 12 years ago, when the workshop leader asked, "Are you a good listener, or have you stopped listening and you're just waiting for a gap to say what you want to say?"

I was shocked because that was exactly what I did, and I had no idea. I thought that was listening.

I had always thought that I was a good listener, precisely because I didn't interrupt people, I always "heard" them out.

But what I realised in that moment was that as soon as I heard something that I didn't like or agree with, or something they said sparked an interest in me, my real listening stopped and I was off in my head thinking of me and my interests, judgements and opinions.

That was a real eye opener (or do I mean ear opener for me) and something that has made an incredible difference to my life, including what I do to make a living.

Are you really listening, or are you just listening to your own opinions about what someone else is saying?