Keeping it real

I know that there is a real power in doing things consistently on a daily basis such as running a mile, or ten minutes of meditation, my latest positive powerful daily habit. 

In a way they are like the spiritual practices that are taught in most major religions.

But I sometimes get caught in a rut of doing it exactly the same every day. 

For example when I run, one of the things I do each morning is go through the things I'm grateful for, which I know helps me to give my life some perspective and see how lucky I am, no matter how positive or negative I might feel at the time.

But it can get stale and I can find myself listing the same things that I'm grateful for in exactly the same way each day. It can become a tick list of the things that I must remember to be grateful for.

When I do this I can get caught up in the thought that this is just another run, the same as yesterday, the day before that and so on. And my gratitude list can become a list to get through as quickly as possible. 

It's a bit like learning something because I have to, not because it's important to me.

When this happens, it usually takes me doing it for a while the same way until one day I realise that this doesn't feel right any more.

When I question it, it becomes obvious why it doesn't feel as much fun and why it just feels like another run. The same old same old.

When this happens I still do my gratitude ritual, but I make myself find something that's specific to this morning or something that happened yesterday.

That keeps my gratitude exercise real, alive and fresh. It also does the same for my run.

That's a bit of luck

I'm reading a great book "Uncertainty - Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance" by Jonathan Fields at the moment.

I read the following passage from the book this morning:

"Exercise isn't just about physical health and appearance. It also has a profound effect on your brain chemistry, physiology, and neuroplasticity (the ability of the brain to literally rewire itself). It affects not only your ability to think, create, and solve, but your mood and ability to lean into uncertainty, risk, judgment, and anxiety in a substantial, measurable way..."

Ah, that's why my daily morning mile helps me to deal with life and its daily challenges so effectively.

That's a bit of luck then!

Run long, smile & learn

I got up to my 80th consecutive daily mile this morning after my enforced 10 day lay off in March. It's going to be quite a long time to get anywhere near my March total of 1,909 days, but hey ho.

On Saturday I went a little over my daily mile as I took part in the South Downs Trail Relay marathon. I did just over 7 miles of an incredibly hilly and absolutely stunning leg of the marathon. I loved it.

These days, even in a race, it's very rare that I actually race. This year I caught up with another runner from my local running group, who I didn't know that well, and ran the rest of the leg with her, taking in the view, chatting and getting to know a bit about her life and her running. I'd highly recommend it.

I've realised that another of the many many side benefits of running, particularly longer runs, is learning something new.

When I run long on my own I often learn more about myself.

When I run long with someone else I usually learn more about them.

And then there is the best of both worlds where I learn more about myself AND someone else.

For a before and after shot of a few of us from the group, see below...

The most important thing

On my way into town yesterday to camp out at a local coffee shop and do some writing, I cycled past an old lady who was standing on a grass verge looking uncertain and very uncomfortable, and I wasn't sure which way she was trying to go.

I'd gone past her heading up the road before I really registered that everything wasn't quite right, so I turned round to investigate.

Sure enough she was in her 90's, hadn't been out for a while and was trying to catch a bus into town to do some shopping, but she told me she was feeling (and was definitely looking) very shaky.

In the end all she needed was my support to get down from the grass verge and sit down on the nearby bench to rest for a few minutes.

I did ask if there was anything else I could do but she refused, thanking me profusely.

What I wondered is how many times I would have vaguely registered that something wasn't quite normal and just continued merrily on my way, forgetting it in a matter of minutes or even seconds.

Self help and improvement books and trainings tell us to focus on our goal and on our vision and to not be distracted. Yes they also often tell us to try and be in the present moment, but in most cases that's to check in right now with what we're feeling and experiencing. I suppose the clue's in the name Self Help. It's all focused on ourselves.

I'm not lecturing here but reflecting on myself and just wondering if others might spot it in themselves too.

I know that many times I would have cycled past that old lady, pretty much oblivious, but yesterday I stopped. 

It took me less than two minutes to provide a helping hand but it was the most important thing I did yesterday. It must have been otherwise I wouldn't have thought of it as soon as I opened my laptop this morning. 

Making it a game

Yesterday I had a really long day of workshop delivery followed by dinner with the client, bookended by a couple of long car journeys, which meant me leaving home at 5.20 a.m. and getting back just after midnight.

In order to fit my morning mile in, this necessitated me stepping outside my door to start my run just before 4.30 a.m. 

Rather than allowing myself to feel that this was a real pain or that it was just too much to ask, I actually enjoyed my super early mile even more than I enjoy my usual 5.30 or 5.45 a.m. runs.

The extra challenge of getting out there earlier felt like an adventure, something a bit special. A bit like that feeling when you're getting up in the middle of the night to go on holiday, only without the holiday.

I've realised, more and more, recently that not only is my daily mile an experiment but it's also a game. The unusual challenges of squeezing my run in actually become more fun, because it's not like I have to run each day, it's just a choice I make on a daily basis.

I wonder how I can recreate that feeling of making it a game full of fun challenges into my business and other key areas of my life?

Increased awareness

A quick update on my barefoot experiment. 

Last weekend I tried out my first mile run in my Vibrams, and yesterday I did a two miler in them.

I'm well aware of all the warnings that have been given about running in them, particularly when moving from traditional running shoes to them, including reading about people who'd had stress fractures from running in them. But I can't resist an experiment.

I'm still running in my normal Brooks Pure Flows most of the time, but I have to say that I do enjoy the increased awareness of my feet striking the ground that the barefoot experience gives me.

Anything that increases my ability to be in the present moment, even though running is pretty good at that anyway, is a good thing.

Connected

One of my personal values is connection.

One of the many things I love about running is that it gives me the opportunity to connect with myself, especially with that part of myself that has huge dreams, and sees and feels limitless possibilities.

Whenever I can I also try to keep away from places where there's traffic. 

This often takes me to green, open or wooded spaces where I also feel a connection with nature.

Is it only me, or does anyone else feel when they're running in and with nature that they are connected to nature and to the immense creative power of nature?

How can you not succeed with such power on your side?

I love running! :-)

Change perspective

After my run this morning I was writing in my journal about the fact that I'd slept through to my alarm for the first time in days. 

I went on to describe what I thought was good about it, that I'd got more sleep than I otherwise would have done and therefore felt more rested.

On the flip side I hadn't managed to do my ten minutes of meditation, the latest habit I'm trying to implement, and would therefore have to fit it in later in my day.

So there I was with one good thing about my later waking and one bad thing. This got me wondering whether it was true that one was a good thing and the other was a bad thing, or were they just things?

I'd got more sleep and I felt more rested. Fact. I hadn't managed to fit my meditation in before my run and would need to fit it in during the day if I wanted to keep developing it as a habit. Fact.

How helpful was it to then assign the labels good and bad to those facts?

I find that when I do assign labels, it's invariably the one that I label as bad that takes up the most space and time in my mind.

But what if I manage to find a better time to fit my daily meditation in because I didn't have time to do it this morning? Surely that would turn that bad outcome into a good one.

Good and bad are always subjective and relate to fixed perspectives that you hold.

Keep the good ones but find a way to change perspective for the bad ones.

Our own worlds

I'm grateful to Amy Lomax who read my column in June's Running Fitness magazine and has taken it to heart, in her post 100 Days of Running Day 37 - Smiles!

I have been doing my smile each day as well as my mile each day for quite a while now but I haven't really given it much thought apart from just doing it.

Amy's post has made me think that it might be an interesting experiment to keep a loose track on the results I notice from smiling at people and saying "Good Morning", "Good Afternoon" or "Good Evening", whether or not I'm running. After all, it's not that often I see anyone on my 5.30 a.m. runs.

So on my run this morning I did see a lady who I sometimes see walking her 2 collies and got a cheery "Good Morning" and a big smile back.

I also got returned smiles from all but one person I greeted, in town, and on the way there and back. 

You can never know what's going on in someone else's world.

I wish the lady caught up in her own world a great day as well as all the others. You never know, another time she just might return my greeting, or not.

Smile on!

The gap between dreaming and doing

I've been lucky enough to experience several "wow" moments in the past 24 hours. 

There were two or three on my preparation run for the South Downs Relay, which is in 13 days time, this morning. It was an absolutely stunning morning and reminded me of how much I love running in the summer.

Running along country roads bordered by tall hedges which suddenly disappeared to reveal breathtaking views. It doesn't get much better than this.

Yesterday I attended the first TEDx event inTunbridge Wells. I absolutely loved it, and saw, heard and met some incredible people. What makes them incredible is that they are ordinary people doing things that most of us only dream of doing.

The gap between dreaming and doing is very small in terms of what it takes to move from one to the other, and yet appears abyss-like and impossible to cross for most of us.

Find, talk to and mix with people who are doing it and suddenly it seems very possible.

Is it good enough?

Yesterday I failed in my intention to write a blog post. I wrote one and a half sentences and then just stared at the screen thinking I don't know what to write now. 

You'd think that I'd know by now that the key when I don't know what to write is just to start writing, possibly starting with "I'm really stuck and I don't know what to write".

In some ways running my daily mile is easier, not in as much as I still need to change, go out the door and start moving even when I'm feeling tired and not really up to it. But in other ways when I'm going for a run I don't have to decide what I need to do, the only decision is at each junction, having to decide which way to go next.

Writing, especially something that I'm going to publish, even if it's only a blog post, is very public. 

No one, apart from a nosy cat, bird, or possibly fox or badger, depending on what time I run, is going to see and be able to judge what my running looks like.

But I never know who might read my blog post (if anyone at all), so straight away it has a different quality about it. The dreaded "is it good enough?" comes into the equation.

However, strangely the worst version of 'is it good enough' isn't when I'm reading what I've typed on the screen. 

The worst version is when I'm already evaluating, judging and rubbishing the thoughts in my head that haven't even hit the screen or paper yet. And it's even worse when I haven't even got any thoughts of what to write, my only thoughts being "I really don't know what to write". 

My inner critic is at his most vicious when I'm in that space.

And even though I know this at a logical level, and have done for several years now, sometimes (as Steve Peters describes in his excellent book The Chimp Paradox) my emotional chimp brain doesn't allow logic to intervene.

So there we are. I seem to have a blog post today (as well as my daily mile) so it wasn't that hard after all.

The question still remains though, so if anyone would like to answer it for me, I'd be really interested, but "is it good enough"?

The barefoot experiment

When I read Christopher McDougall's excellent Born to Run book just over five years ago, I was intrigued by the whole barefoot running concept and also with the Vibram Fivefingers footwear.

However, feeling that it would be a bit of a radical shift, potentially resulting in injury, for me to go from cushioned trainers to barefoot, I didn't follow up my interest. Since then I've heard storied of runners who made an immediate shift and did in fact injure themselves, but my fascination and curiosity never fully went away.

So on my trip to Guernsey a couple of weeks ago, when I was invited to join a group of chi runners (I've had the chi running book for several years too but not followed up on it), I found myself running with 5 other runners, two of whom were running the forest trails with me wearing, and enthusing about, their Vibram Five Fingers.

My curiosity was immediately reignited, so I'm now the proud owner of these fascinating (can I really call them) shoes.

I've walked and run / walked just under a mile in them so far.

I'll give you an update when I've built up to running my first daily mile in them.

My hero of today

This morning a few miles from home on a little bit longer run than usual, I met a man walking towards me. 

He walked with a stick because he couldn't bend one of his legs and he just had to sweep the leg out to the side and forward every other step he took. His opposite arm, that didn't carry the stick, he carried in the air as it was bent at a ninety degree angle.

As I came up to him I greeted him with a "good morning", to which he immediately responded in kind.

I then added that I thought that it was a lovely morning. He agreed and then laughed heartily.

I ran on feeling grateful to him.

Once again I realised how lucky I am to be able to run at all, let alone each day.

I was also inspired by that lone walker. He obviously had some challenges and yet here he was out for a walk at just after 8.00 on a Bank Holiday Monday morning, and he was as cheerful as can be.

My heroes don't tend to be celebrities who achieve incredible feats these days, but ordinary people doing ordinary things which, because of their personal challenges, require them to make extraordinary efforts to achieve what the rest of us take for granted. What's more they do it with a positive and cheerful disposition.

Thank you Langton Green man, you were my hero of today! 

Never regret a run

Do you ever get mornings when your body doesn't seem to work like it usually does?

I had one of those this morning. 

Not like when I had a chest infection a couple of months ago. It was more like my legs were lodging an official complaint, maybe because I'd run four miles nine hours earlier.

It would have been the easiest thing to just give into my legs and let them own the decision, after all I'm always espousing how we should listen to our bodies much more.

Yet I knew, even though it was very hard to justify it, that all I was going to do was take my legs on a very gentle mile (and a little bit), which would possibly even help them to recover.

Anyway, with 48 consecutive days under my belt, and the previous 1,909 before I had to pause for my chest infection, it made it easier for me to overrule my legs and venture out, extremely gingerly I have to admit.

Once I was going it all came flooding back to me - how privileged I am to be able to run at all; and how I knew for a fact that I would feel more alert, more lively and more able to create a really good day once I returned home.

Yet again, no matter how excruciating it was to drag myself out of the door this morning, I once again proved that I've never regretted going out for a run (unless it's with a chest infection).

A new experiment

The last time I posted here was just before I had to hang up my running shoes for a few days. 

After struggling on for a week or two feeling pretty awful, when I finally decided to visit the doctor, she listened to my chest, and exclaimed, "That sounds like a bit of a mess."

So part reluctantly but also a little relieved, after 1,909 consecutive days of my daily mile I took a few days off to let myself recover.

I've said many times before that I've never come back from a run regretting that I'd gone, but in the last few days before I hung up my running shoes, something was different, and I was definitely sensing that I was doing the wrong thing by running.

So anyway after my few days off I'm right back on it again and this morning ran my 33rd consecutive run in my new running streak.

I have absolutely no regrets about stopping. The reason that I started my mile each day experiment was to create a sustainable running habit that could hopefully help me to keep running for years, avoiding the common runners' problem of overtraining and then getting injured and not being able to run for a while.

So I have a new experiment, which is really an extension of the previous one. I'm not abandoning or ignoring my successful 1,909 days, I'm just building on it.

Keep on running!

Blessed

Another morning of plodding my mile and a bit route, hoping that I'm not doing more harm than good.

I've really been spoilt over the last five and a quarter years. I've only had a handful of colds and most of them have fizzled out in a day or two.

Rather than feeling sorry for myself (you know what it's like when us men get colds, or man flu), I'm deciding to use this harsher cold to remind me just how lucky I am.

Maybe my daily mile out in the fresh air helps keep colds at bay, or maybe it's just a coincidence. It doesn't really matter. I'm grateful for this cold reminding me how blessed I am.

Is that the secret?

Well I got round my mile-and-a-bit circuit again this morning, but it wasn't any easier. My tissue grasped in my glove was one of my most important pieces of kit this morning.

It reminds me of my first marathon back in 1988, when I suffered through the last ten miles of the route telling myself that I must run to the next lamppost, then I'd allow myself to walk. Then I'd tell myself the same thing again.

Isn't it funny how we can fool our minds with such obvious tricks?

I guess it's about making small commitments and then recommitting again, and again, and again.

Is that the secret of success?

Fingers crossed

It's one of those few days I've had in the past 1,903 days when I've gone out for my run with a stinking cold.

On days like today I wonder if my running streak will come to a sudden end.

If I can drag myself round tomorrow morning I will, providing it's still no more than a cold.

It's all part of the game I guess. It just doesn't seem quite as much fun at the moment.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow morning.

A smile each day

I typed a smile each day by accident one day when writing about my daily mile, but when I noticed what I'd done I decided that perhaps my fingers had some wisdom of their own that my brain hadn't thought of before.

What difference do you think it would make if you were to smile at people each day for no other reason than just because you chose to?

When I remember to, I try to do this, when I manage to get out of my own head and stop thinking about my day, my challenges, my problems, and put my focus on the person I'm coming into contact with.

I did this on Saturday morning in a take away coffee shop on my way to a train the trainer workshop, and was amazed when the barista told me that my cappuccino was on the house.

When I asked him why, he said it was because I was so smiley, as he smiled back at me.

I can't tell you what a lift it gave me, and is obviously still giving me, all for the price of a smile.

Touching my life

I found out yesterday that a friend and colleague of mine who I worked with two years ago, who is probably about fifteen years younger than me, is in the last few days of his life.

While thinking about him, and his loved ones, it's also made me think of my own mortality and that of my own loved ones.

It's also reminded me of the Top Five Regrets of the Dying, and helped me gauge how I'm measuring up against them. In case you haven't come across it, these are the top five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish I'd let myself be happier.

My thoughts are with you and your loved ones at this time G. 

Thank you for touching my life, however briefly, and for making my life richer just from knowing and working with you.

Using forfeits

I’ve just come across a really good idea about maintaining positive powerful daily habits, once again from Leo Babauta’s latest book, Zen Habits.

I’ve been very successful with my run a mile each day habit, but not quite so good with other habits, such as daily writing or daily business development work.

In Zen Habits Leo theorises that when you miss a day of your daily habit, you often beat yourself up, which makes it much harder to pick the habit up again the next day. 

I completely agree with this and I’ve had situations where this has been the case.

When you’re feeling bad, perhaps guilty and thinking that you’re a bit of a failure, you’re not in your most resourceful and creative state. 

What you should be doing when you miss a day is coming from a positive state of mind, working out what derailed you and what you need to do to adjust things so that it doesn’t happen again.

So if you set a rule that it's OK to miss a day, but set yourself a forfeit if you miss two days in a row, it works better.

That way you’re in a more positive state of mind to ensure you don't miss the next day, and to adjust your plans so it’s not so easy to miss another day for the same reason.

I’ll give it a go and let you know how it pans out.

The best Friday the 13th

This morning was my 1,899th consecutive day of running my mile each day. It feels like it's a good number.

It's also Friday the 13th, which to me always feels like it's going to be a great day, although others can often feel nervous about it.

Superstitions are interesting aren't they. They're prime examples of how we take experiences, or learnings from others, and project those learnings into our future. 

Why should a day that has a particular combination of the day of the week and day number of the month end up being any better or worse than any other day? It doesn't make any sense.

Every day has the potential to be the best day of your life. 

In fact every day is the best day of your life. After all, we have no idea whether or not it will be the last day of our life, so as it's the only day we absolutely know that we have, how can it not be our best day?

It's the only one we know we've got, so it's not a good day to put off something that we'd love to do until tomorrow. We never live in tomorrow, only today.

Have the best Friday the 13th you've ever had today. How can it be anything else?

Feed the right wolf

There's a story of an elderly cherokee brave telling his grandson about life.

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, jealousy, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

"The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one you feed."

Which wolf will you feed today?

Same words, different meaning

Someone taught me this useful sentence to demonstrate the ambiguity of language, especially when it's written and not delivered face-to-face or over the telephone.

"I never said he stole the money."

Let me demonstrate by stressing different words in the above sentence...

I never said he stole the money

I never said he stole the money

I never said he stole the money

I never said he stole the money

I never said he stole the money

Can you see that those five sentences above contain exactly the same words spelt in exactly the same way, and yet each of those sentences has a different meaning from the other four.

Be careful of the written word. Other people can choose which word they want to stress and therefore the meaning they make out of what you write, whether you intend it or not.

Water the plants

One of the most powerful aspects of my mile each day habit is that I didn't set out to achieve anything from the habit. There is no end I had in mind, and therefore there's never been a possibility of me being disappointed because I've spent so much time on it and not achieved my goal.

Leo Babauta talks about this in his excellent new book Zen Habits. He describes it as like planting a seed and watering it each day and simply seeing what comes up and if it bears any fruit or not.

I have been very lucky and ended up with a monthly column in Running Fitness magazine, but it certainly wasn't a goal of mine, it was an unexpected fruit.

It's very different to starting a habit because you have a definite end goal in mind, where there's a chance that should it look like you won't achieve your exact goal, you may become disillusioned and give up on the habit.

There's a lot to learn from nature and the natural growth cycle. Something we seem to have largely forgotten.

Start new habits because they support the life you want to live.

As James Allen said, "Sow an act, and you reap a habit. Sow a habit and you reap a character. Sow a character and you reap a destiny."

Any body knows

When you've been injured or ill it can be incredibly frustrating when you start running again after a prolonged lay off.

As is often the case your mind is telling you one thing while your body is telling you something else.

I find that when the two are out of alignment invariably it's the body you need to listen to.

If you were to strap a heart rate monitor on, your body would tell you that although your mind is frustrated because you're running slower than before, your body's actually working harder than it did before you were knocked off course when you were running faster.

Similarly when you look outside and it's wet, windy, dark and unwelcoming, it's your mind that rebels against the idea of heading out for a run.

The more we learn to listen to our bodies and not let our heads dominate our decisions, the better we will be as runners and as effective functioning human beings.

Oh, and by the way, you know what's a great way to tune in to your body?

Go for a run with no technology, no music, no watch or any other gadget. 

Just run free with no plans and no expectations. 

Enjoy the thrill of your body moving and communicating with you the way it's supposed to.

The attraction formula

I have a network marketing business in addition to my coaching, and in the past few months I've not given it any attention, and therefore the business has been static.

In the past few weeks I've begun to spend some time on it, not huge amounts but I've tried to be more consistent (as in a mile each day).

What's curious is that since I've been working on it a bit more, not only has my personal business started to get going again, but so has that of my team. In fact their businesses have grown even more than mine.

And I haven't been cajoling or trying to fire them up.

A colleague in the business said to me a little while ago how strange it was that whenever they were in consistent action on a daily basis, not only did they start to generate more business but it's also like business is attracted to them, and people seem to start calling them to ask about it when they never do that when they're inactive.

Once again, it's that magic mile each day formula.

Connecting the dots

Day 1,890 of my experiment to see how many days I can run at least a mile each day.

This is one of those days when it's just about putting one foot, or one mile, in front of the last one you put down.

Even when you can't remember why you're doing it, you just do it. After all, you always feel better for having done it and that's a good enough reason for me.

Sometimes things become apparent over time. 

As Steve Jobs said, you can only connect the dots when you look back. They're not often apparent looking forwards.

The light never goes out

When it's dark because it's night, because it's stormy, because it's winter, or because it's cloudy, the sun never goes out, it just becomes obscured from our view. This is even true in the Arctic when the sun doesn't appear for months.

It's the same with us humans. When the light seems to go out of our world, when things are really dark in our lives or we think we've lost our capabilities, our confidence or self belief we used to have when we were younger, it hasn't gone, it's just been obscured.

The light is always there. We don't have to start again or create a new light, all we have to do is find the light that's become obscured.

These late winter / early spring morning runs I'm having are great metaphors for that very thing. As I run these mornings, unless it's cloudy or stormy I can see the sky starting to slowly lighten up as the dawn gets nearer.

Freeing your victim

When everything feels like it's on top of you, you can't move and you don't know what you can do to free yourself, you're very likely in victim mode. You have no control of your situation, everyone and everything else is to blame and there's absolutely nothing you can do.

Or is there?

When you're feeling like a victim, you're generally focused on the problems you have, and what happens when you focus on something? 

In my experience, the more you focus on something the bigger it gets. Think of looking through a magnifying glass, binoculars or a telescope.

So if we know that about focus, the logical course must be to focus on the solution, and then surely that will get bigger.

But the snag is that when you're in victim mode you are not at your most resourceful. You are not at your creative best, and not in touch with your intuitive side. You are likely stuck in your head, trying to keep up with those endless problem thoughts, along with doom and gloom scenarios, going round and round.

So you can't see a solution.

But what if you were to forget about trying to find a solution, and ask yourself, "If I had thought of a solution, even though I have no idea what that might be right now, and I had also followed that through and solved the problem, what would that be like?"

Pretty soon you'd have a much rosier picture, perhaps images, thoughts and feelings of relief, excitement and being successful.

You're now in resourceful mode, no longer a victim.

Now's the time to think of potential solutions.

By the way you can do all this on a reasonably short run.

Just saying...

The power of team

As a coach, I'm often working with clients on my own and when I wonder whether I could have done things differently there's no one else to chat it through with. That's why most coaches use supervisors, and what works even better for me is supervision groups.

What I frequently learn from these groups is that when I feel that I must be the only one with these issues, I invariably discover that there are others who are thinking the same thoughts and feeling very similar feelings.

It's very empowering to realise that not only are there others who are in a very similar situation to you, but that there are others who have a different perspective and can provide some new ideas. 

It's also great that you are able to help colleagues who have different issues by shedding a slightly different light on a situation that they are challenged by.

Although I'm working on my own, it feels like I'm part of a team and that when I coach someone it isn't just me, I'm connected to my team of like minded people, who are right behind me.

Who is in your team?

Setting your sails

Thoughts from this morning's run -

What if everything is exactly perfect the way it is right now?

Actually how can it not be? Even if you think that it should be some other way, that it's not fair, that someone else has it exactly as it should be for you but you don't, when it comes down to it, right at this moment that isn't how it is.

If you think about it, it is the way it is and any energy fighting that current reality is energy that's being wasted. That doesn't mean that you can't make changes to make things better. 

Something that you do a second from now that starts you moving you forward to where you want to be is great, but there's no point resisting where you are now because right now it's not possible to be anywhere else. A second from now yes, but now no.

So how much more empowering would it be to think that everything is exactly where it's mean to be right now? That's not saying that you were always going to end up here, that fate decides and you have no power. You always have the power to make choices and fate also plays a part.

It's like that quote, "It's not the blowing of the wind that determines our destination, but the set of our sails."

So when that wind has suddenly changed direction blown you off course and knocked you over, that was meant to be, so be happy and reset those sails.

Let IT go

You can't spot talent when you're listening to yourself in the first way.

You can't spot talent when your focus is on yourself.

You can't spot talent when you're not curious.

You also can't spot talents when you're not in the present moment.

You can't notice possibilities when your focus is on yourself.

To paraphrase Elsa from Frozen, you can't spot talent or notice possibilities unless you let it go, and the it is:

• your regrets
• your worries
• your workload
• your beliefs about yourself and others
• your judgements
• your opinions
• your map of the world

The talent mirror

I've been reflecting this morning on a colleague of mine, who is brilliant at pointing out to others their strengths and special abilities, far better than I am.

It's reminded me that helping others reach their potential isn't just about releasing untapped potential, it's also about recognising the potential that they are already using, but don't own, because they don't even realise they have it.

It's like being a mirror that is specifically designed to draw attention to others' strengths and reflect those strengths back to them.

It's really powerful for people to see their talents that they don't even realise they have.

If you want to motivate someone, be a talent mirror.

Who will you reflect their talents back to them today?

Yesterday's learning

I've realised that I move on from each experience quite quickly and am not so good at looking back after it to really identify and embed the learning.

I know, because I espouse it, that there is great learning in mistakes or failings but I also think that there is learning in each day, and while I enjoy the benefits of that learning I don't necessarily make the most of them.

Sometimes the learning is a reminder of something I've already been taught but I haven't quite got it yet.

Can you tell what my learning was from yesterday?

What was yours?

The key to success

Communicating is a key life skill and is crucial to success.

The most fundamental part of communicating is listening, and I propose that the two most important parts of listening are listening to others and listening to ourselves.

There are two types of listening to ourselves.

A lot of us are great at listening to ourselves the first way but unfortunately it's often at the expense of others who we're pretending to listen to.

Most of the time we're so busy rushing to keep up with all the things we have to do, that even when we're supposedly listening to others we're wishing they would hurry up, thinking about what we could be doing if we weren't listening to them, or judging what they've just said, imposing our view of the world instead of being interested in theirs.

The second type of listening to ourselves is when we step away from the hurly burly of all the things that we have to think about and do, and really get a chance to listen to our own inner wisdom.

I know more and more people are realising the importance of doing this, and this is why you're probably hearing more and more about meditation and mindfulness these days.

But for me personally, the best way I've found to do this is by going on my daily run. When I'm running, my busy mind goes to sleep and my imagination is released. It's a time where I discover new ideas and new solutions and approaches to existing problems.

The added bonus is that when I give myself the gift of really listening to me, and not while I'm also trying to listen to others, I'm also able to listen to, and really hear, others.

If listening is fundamental to communicating, and communicating is key to success, which I know they both are, how can you not make time to switch off, and really listen to yourself.

And if you want my advice, why not go out for a run.

Give a little, gain a lot

Looking back on being a pacer in yesterday's Tunbridge Wells Half Marathon, I'm surprised at how little you actually have to do to make a difference to other people.

These are the things I noticed yesterday that you need to do to make a difference to others:

• Notice them
• Show an interest in them
• Tell them how well you think they're doing
• Keep an eye out for them
• Encourage them
• Tell them you believe they can do it

It takes surprisingly little effort and offers huge benefits that are way out of proportion to the effort you put in.

And here's the best part, you get probably as much out of it as they do.

You'd be amazed at how many heart felt thanks I received yesterday, and people telling me how awesome I am. I feel like a fraud, after all what did I really do?

If I ever forget why I love being a pacer in a race, I must scroll back and read this post.

If it's that simple in a race, I think it's probably not much different in other areas of life either.

What do you think?

Pacing for fun

Brilliant run in the Tunbridge Wells Half Marathon this morning as a 2:20 pacer.

There's nothing like running a race for others rather than for yourself.

You should try it sometime.

Rolling rolling rolling

I'm not a big fan of foam rolling. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that I don't think that it works.

Basically I'm just a coward and the longer I leave it I know that it will be even more painful.

So there's nothing like leaving it until the night before a half marathon and then doing some foam rolling.

My eyes are still watering and I'm not sure whether it was my quadriceps or my calves that made them water the most.

I'll let you know whether it was worth it or not tomorrow after the half marathon. :) 

Beware of side effects

I picked up my pacer T-shirt for Sunday's Tunbridge Wells Half Marathon last night, loving the colour and looking forward to the race. 

Then I ran a really soggy three and a half miles in the pouring rain with a group of beginner & intermediate runners.

Chatting with one of my fellow runners, she was telling me how running is helping her to deal with the stress and trauma of recent bereavements.

My prescription for most cases of stress - one dose of running to be taken daily. Beware of side effects:

• may introduce you to people with an adventurous spirit
• can give you new ideas even if you weren't looking for them
• can be confusing - you have no energy, you use what energy you have left and you end up with more energy than you started with
• will very likely change your attitude and mood
• can become addictive

Shaking up your schedule

It's been a real treat this week. I've run in daylight for six days in a row as the other people in the house are currently either students or staff at school and it's half term, so I've adjusted my schedule appropriately.

While I do enjoy running in the dark, I also really like running in the light, particularly when we're still in winter. I don't have to concentrate so hard to anticipate, or spot, icy patches, pot holes or hidden puddles.

Next week I'll be back to regular running in the dark but I also know that the hours of light are gradually expanding and it won't be long until all my runs will be daylight runs.

It's always good to be able to shake up your schedule a little to keep it fresh, especially when it's a firmly embedded habit that isn't threatened by the change.

What could you shake up and freshen up today?

Who are you?

Leo Babauta wrote a post in his zenhabits blog yesterday on the source of contentment.

In his post he discussed how people's happiness is often dependent on how they answer the question "Who am I?" 

When the answer to that question is dependent on what you do, what others think of you, or what you have, sometimes you'll be happy and other times you won't. The problem is that you're not always in control of these things. You may stop doing well or succeeding through no fault of your own, you can never control what others think of you, or you may lose what you currently have.

Leo's post talks about redefining yourself as your core values or your essence, which could be something like love, compassion, or connection.

Funnily enough I do something similar, and tying in to yesterday's post, rather than stating that I am my key values, I have been practising "being the possibility of" my values.

Being the possibility of love, connection and communication, which are my core values, builds in the fact that I am human, definitely not perfect and that I'll frequently fail to live up to those possibilities.

Stating it as a possibility rather than a fact recognises that I'm a work in progress, and doesn't label me as a failure when I don't live up to that possibility. All I need to do is recommit to being my possibility, no judgement attached.

What possibility are you, or as Leo also suggests, would you like to pretend to be?  

The art of the possible

Possibilities are everywhere, every minute of every day, wherever we are, whoever we're with and whatever we're doing.

It's just that most of the time we're so busy running the stories we constantly churn in our heads to be aware of them.

When we quieten our internal chatter and wake up to what's with us in the here and now, we wake up to at least some of the possibilities that are there. When this happens life suddenly becomes exciting and full of potential.

I am a student of the art of the possible.

For me running awakens new possibilities.

Coaching also awakens new possibilities.

What is it that you do that helps awaken new possibilities in you?

The pessimist and the optimist

So what is the difference between a pessimist and an optimist?

A pessimist is someone who takes a coat with them even when the weather is glorious and the forecast is great, thinking that with their luck it's bound to rain. After all it always happens to them. 

If it rains they'll be miserable knowing that whatever they do, bad things always happen to them. If it's sunny and warm they'll be miserable because they've got this heavy coat to wear, or carry, so they're too hot and not able to enjoy the nice weather.

An optimist isn't someone who goes without a coat even when the weather forecast is bad.

An optimist is someone who takes a light coat with them just in case, thinking it will probably be gorgeous though despite the forecast, but is then equally happy whether it's rainy or sunny. 

4 key success secrets

I really enjoyed my 6.3 miles this morning.There's nothing like a Sunday morning to go a little longer than usual and get some great thinking time in as the legs just keep doing their thing.

This morning I came up with 4 of the key secrets to success: 

1. Health - you can become a millionaire, lose it all and then get it back again. There are any number of stories of people who've done exactly that. However, you only get one shot at your health. If you lose your health you don't get it back again. I know there are people who have achieved success with poor health, but you owe it to yourself to maintain your health as well as you can. It will make all others steps so much easier.
2. Energy - energy is obviously closely connected with health, the physically fitter you are (whilst keeping healthy) the more energy you will have. Energy is key because your enthusiasm will unlock doors. As Samuel Taylor Coleridge said, "Nothing is as contagious as enthusiasm. It is the real allegory of the myth of Orpheus; it moves stones and charms brutes. It is the genius of sincerity, and truth accomplishes no victories without it."
   
3. Gratitude - being aware of, and thankful for, what you have is crucial for success. If you read anything on the Law of Attraction, it is extremely difficult to generate more, or to change your circumstances for the better, until you appreciate, accept and are grateful for what you have now.
4. Powerful Positive Daily Habits - we are all creatures of habit, some of our habits helping us move towards the life we want, while other habits move us away. Some of those habits are things that we habitually do, and others are our habitual ways of thinking, our beliefs if you like. Replacing negative habits with positive ones lays the tracks for our success. 

My powerful positive daily habit of running at least a mile each day, ticks all of the above boxes. It maintains and even improves my health, it increases my energy every morning, it makes me feel grateful that I am able to run at all, and it is the powerful habit that has helped me create many more powerful habits on the back of it.

Try not, or maybe...

I've often heard people quote Yoda from The Empire Strikes Back (Episode V of Star Wars), when he says, "Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."

One of the thoughts that occurred to me on this morning's run is that there are two meanings of the word try.

Yoda says the above when Luke Skywalker says, "All right, I'll give it a try."

In this context, Luke is expressing doubt, and an associated lack of commitment, in what he has agreed that he will do. 

People often say "I'll try" when they actually mean that they won't, and even if they do actually, try, the best it will be is half-hearted, which in turn will almost guarantee failure. 

I think this meaning is the one Yoda was talking about, and in this case I agree with him.

But there is also another meaning of try.

I'm a fan of Ralph Waldo Emerson's quote, "All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better." From this standpoint, everything we do is an experiment.

Experiments are all about trying something, failing, adapting the approach and trying again, in a continuous cycle until you succeed.

It's about taking action without waiting until you're certain that it's definitely the right action. It's about keeping putting one foot in front of the other and maintaing momentum rather than grinding to halt until you're absolutely certain.

This is the second meaning of try, and in this context I believe that trying is a good thing.